Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tom Tancredo won't let me run for President

I saw Tom Tancredo on Chris Matthews the other night. I'm glad I was on an empty stomach. I don't know if Tancredo put the "more" in "moron" or if he is the Devil come to human form. Since he gets to be on TV and be a member of Congress, and I don't, I would assume he is not a moron.

Tom Tancredo said he wanted Obama to produce an original birth certificate with the ink signature of the doctor on it.

I am holding my original birth certificate, in the original envelope that was mailed to my mother.

According to what Tom Tancredo said on The Chris Matthews Show, my birth certificate is unacceptable to him, and by implication, I am not an American.

The "original" birth certificate I have is actually the negative of the original birth certificate, which is the only birth certificate the birth mother got in New York City when I was born.

(Does everyone actually have a copy of their original birth certificate lying around?)

When I needed to produce my birth certificate for the Department of Homeland Security and the Government of China, I had to go to the Brooklyn County Clerk and obtain a certified copy of the certificate. The County Clerk --who was probably not the same person who was County Clerk in 1958 -- issued another copy of the negative, and attached the Certificate of the County Clerk with his signature attached.

Still no ink signature of the doctor.

When Barack Obama produced a similar birth certificate, Tom Tancredo said it was insufficient. So I guess that Barack Obama doesn't get to run for President in Arizona. I guess I don't either.

And if my birth certificate is insufficient to run for President under Arizona law, I am sure that it is insufficient to use for the Arizona "Papers Please" law. So now I can't travel to Arizona. I don't know why I have to pay taxes to support places I can't travel to.

I know, I know. I'm white, and unlikely to be stopped on an immigration inquiry by an Arizona police officer. Unless someone who doesn't like me happens to know an Arizona police officer.

My daughter does not have a birth certificate, of course. She was found in a brick yard in Southern China. So she can't go to Arizona either. She does have a certificate of citizenship issued by the Department of Homeland Security. And I don't mean no mamby-pamby Obama Department of Homeland Security. I mean the rootin'-tootin' George W. Bush Department of Homeland Security.

Alas! There are no ink signatures on it either. Just your facsimile stamped signature and the raised seal of the Department of Homeland Security. It most certainly does not have the ink signature of the doctor who delivered my daughter (on the off-chance it was a doctor). So, it seems plenty clear that Tom Tancredo doesn't think my daughter is a citizen.

It is less clear whether a document issued by the Department of Homeland Security would be acceptable under the new Arizona law. I would hate to have my 3-year old sent back to China while the Arizona courts try to figure it out.

I would tell the Courts that since the Arizona law is curtailing my right, and the right of my daughter, to travel to Arizona, it is unconstitutional. But I can't get the people I know to listen to me most of the time. What chance do I have in Arizona?

And what if my daughter lost her certificate of citizenship by the time we get to Phoenix?